Puppies: Should We Shoot Them In the Face and Toss Them in a Ditch? Conservatives Debate
The debate rages on
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The worst people you know are all fighting this week as a revelation from South Dakota governor Kristi Noem’s biography reveals that she once killed her family’s pet puppy just because she felt like it, and threw its body in a ditch somewhere. When questioned about what could have led her to do such a thing, she explaned that it’s because she’s politically incorrect.
Now sure, that definitely feels like the kind of thing that fits the definition of politically incorrect, as well as the regular kind of incorrect also, but when most people want to broadcast their political incorrectness they just, like, say a slur or something instead of murdering an animal.
But this has caused plenty a stir in Republican influencer space, where pundits, who will often position the canine species somewhere between a Trump voter and a fetus on the “do not kill” scale, can’t agree on whether being edgy or owning the libs is enough of a reason to put a bullet in man’s best friend.
In one corner, there’s catturd and Laura Loomer, who feel this is a terrible waste of life that could have been a gender studies major or BLM protester.
Others, like known sociopath Michael Knowles, admitted that the dog murder only enhanced his respect, because loving anything is gay or something. Also the dog was probably woke.
Interestingly, the same story in which Noem recalls killing the dog also involves her killing a goat—the way she tells it, she was just on a roll and looking for something else to kill. But although #dogkiller trended all day, no conservatives have said a damn thing about the goat, likely because of that weird thing they have about goats and Satan.
Noem went on to explain that useless children should also suffer the same fate, and that all children should start learning to be useful by the time they are born. Of course, for Noem, childhood begins at conception, and she believes therefore that the first 9.5 months are for the child to learn useful skills while in the womb. “I know you woke baby-killers won’t understand, but here on the farm those 9.5 months are for learning the Gospels and completing gun safety training such that the child can be useful for the start of adolescence, which you wokesters call ‘birth.’ If a child can’t fire a weapon or pilot a tractor by age 2, they are useless and should indeed suffer the same fate as that incorrigible puppy in my amazing new book—on sale now!” Noem gave an awkward Nixonian double-handed victory symbol as she spoke, then a sign of the cross to muffled applause.
You bet and free the dog first