The Poolish - Coconut Elegy Edition, 28 July 2024

JD Vance's fascism problem and more news

It’s been a few weeks with little activity in The Poolish, my friends, and for that I apologise. I’ve been busy retooling my main newsletter, Plato Was a Dick, with extra advantages for paid subscribers, and also working on my other project, Three Minute Philosophy. Most of you are already subscribed to one or both of those, but for those who aren’t, now you know they exist. The American election cycle is heating up, though, and so there’s a bit of news.

Man Who Once Compared Trump to Hitler Changes Mind After Softening Stance on Hitler

Donald Trump has chosen his running mate for the 2024 election, making this the second time that Trump has stood side by side with a Vice President shortly after one of them was nearly assassinated by another Republican.

J.D. Vance, the first Millennial candidate for vice president with his rad edgy initialised name, goth-rock mascara, and who almost pulls off the fat-kid double-chin-hiding beard, came to fame not through politics but as an Oliver Anthony style Appalachian working man whose memoir Hillbilly Elegy was moderately popular among Oprah’s type of people. Back as recently as five years ago he was a kind-hearted old school traditional hard working Republican family man who was so horrified by the Donald Trump phenomenon that he called Trump “America’s Hitler.”

Then the Ron Howard film adaptation of Hillbilly Elegy landed with a 25 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and Vance overnight became the type of guy who is extremely popular with Oprah’s other type of people.

From then on the good old Appalachian boy (who was by now a Peter Thiel backed vanture capitalist) started embarking on a bunch of nakedly crooked bullshit like starting a fake opioid addiction charity to fund his run for the senate. Now he’s a weird alt-right Ultra-MAGA theocrat who wants to outlaw divorce maybe and arrest you for treason if you criticise Trump (not even if Trump is president at the time—just like, the man himself).

Notably, Trump hasn’t actually changed at all since Vance thought he was like Hitler, which can only lead one to conclude he’s changed his stance on Hitler.

Some have speculated that the reason Trump picked somebody arguably more odious and evil than himself for a running mate is for assassination insurance—i.e. to discourage would-be assassins from making their move so they don’t unwittingly make a bigger piece of shit president in his place. That’s almost a sound plan in theory, but on the other hand, if your goal is to avoid assassination, maybe you shouldn’t take someone who has shown he’s willing to do anything whatsoever for more power and make your octogenarian beating heart the only thing standing between that person and the Presidency of the United States.

Democrats Deploy Cop to Thwart Noted Felon