Elderly Man Holds a Rally, Just Kind of Stands There For 40 Minutes
High energy
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In a fascinating vision of what’s in store for America if Donald Trump is re-elected next month, the former president/prospective next president/possible infinity president(?) held a town hall in Pennsylvania but instead of answering questions just stood there awkwardly while music he didn’t have the rights to play blared over the speakers.
The event that was supposed to go for an hour or so, I guess, just resulted in a lot of confusion when Trump answered a couple of questions badly and then after a few minutes just straight gave up or something.
“Let’s sit down and relax,” he said, like the tired near-octogenarian that he is. I can’t blame him, really. They keep making him get up and do these high energy events and there are loud noises, he needs to shout all the time, people are fucking shooting at him sometimes. He just wants to sit down for a bit, maybe take a nap.
For the next nearly three quarters of an hour the DJ cycled through the lamest and most pedestrian golden oldies playlist ever while Trump did those crappy dance moves that he does. It quickly turned into the world’s most awkward party as everyone had to just stand around, talking amongst themselves, occasionally dicking around on their phones.
At least the people in the crowd could get away if they wanted. Which they did, reportedly in a steady, confused meander. For the people seated behind him, they could only steel themselves for the punishment they knew they deserved. The best part of an hour of Donald Trump silently moving around like a racist Barney the Dinosaur.
The only highlight of what otherwise looked like an infomercial for euthenasia was watching the host, South Dakota governor Kristi Noem, best known for causing controversy even among fellow conservatives for proudly shooting a puppy in the face, squirm around and smile painfully for the run time of an entire episode of event television while whatever she has that might approximate a soul very gradually left her body.
If nothing else, this really captures the essence of how life feels in context: Four years of president Donald Trump, then an additional four years of Donald Trump campaigning to be president again, then staring down the barrel of a further four years of president Donald Trump. I think we all feel a little like this:
